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PastPoop8/14/2003-Gravity, Hard Floor, ComedySo I was putting boxes away today.Now, this isn't something that is that noteworthy in and of itself. Now, me falling off the shelfs and landing on the hard ass floor, that's priceless. Wherehouse work falls into two categories, getting the job done, and OW FUCK!. Getting the job done in a wherehouse requires that you shed some amount of blood. You get scraps here and there, sometimes you get a cut, but nothing that impairs your work. Ow Fuck crosses that line going 100mph. Today I experienced a large dose of Ow Fuck when I put a board across the shelves so I could put boxes on the top. To make a short story short, I climbed up and the board broke. But that's not what put the lotion on, what put the lotion on is getting hit by the board fragments on the way down to your destiny. I hit the floor with the wet slap of soft flesh hitting concrete, with my knee, and elbow. The walkways between the shelves are so small that I collided with the board fragments on the way down. It was like I was being attacked by geriatric saw blades made out of straw. Some people whine when they get hurt, others cry. Me, I laugh. I laugh at how fucking stupid I can be sometimes. For you see, it was a piece of particle board that I sat upon. So I get up and try to walk it off, carrying the pieces of board with me so I can throw them into the garbage. After about 20 steps me knee is hurting so bad that I have to sit down. Now, some people might sue their place of employment over shit like this even though it was their own dumbass fault. I just walk it off. Some people might see this as doublely stupid as I pass up a chance for free money; That, and the facility really should have ladders for the aisles. But I don't because I don't want to be 'That Guy'. 'That Guy' is the guy who sued McDonald's over spilling coffee on himself. 'That Guy' is the guy who broke into someone's house, sued the owner because he fell down the stairs and won. 'That Guy' is the guy who is responcible for instructions on Pop-Tarts. See, I know when I do something stupid. I also know not to repeat mistakes. The last thing I need is yet another set of instructions on how to do something that a brain damaged golden retriver can do at the age of 3 weeks. Particle board is an unsound support material. It's nothing more than pressure molded sawdust for fuck's sake. One doesn't need instructions stating that they should not use it to support their heavy ass if it's common knowledge that it looses structual integrety if you spill soda on it. The lesson here folks is, we all do really fucking stupid shit sometimes. Whether it's investing your knitting club's money in Enron, or entrusting your well being in pressure molded construction leavings. What we don't need to do is advertize it for the sake of possible financial gain. When you do that, you make us all suffer. That's when we get the lube out. -BarnyardMessiah |
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